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There’s An App For That

Zack —  November 11, 2010 — Leave a comment

Maybe you’ve found yourself sitting around just staring at the wall thinking “Boy, I sure wish I could see Jesus on that wall.”

Well, now you can!!!

THE WOODLANDS, Texas, Nov. 11, 2010

– AppTech Corp is pleased to announce that its vision of Jesus app, labeled “See Jesus” is now available on Apple’s App Store for 99 cents. The “optical illusion” will display an image of Jesus on a blank surface after the viewer stares at the caricature for thirty seconds on any iPhone. AppTech also plans to release the “See Jesus” app in Brazil and the Philippines through its marketing partners in those countries.  Brazil andthe Philippines collectively have populations that are predominately Christian of which Catholicism is the main Christian denomination, exceeding 220 million followers.  Eric Ottens, CEO of AppTech, remarked: “The market for the “See Jesus” app is huge. We intend to coordinate our efforts with various Christian groups throughout the world to offer religious themed content through the various Smartphone operating platforms. Apple’s iPhone is just the beginning and in addition to the iPhone we are also planning to have our apps available on Apple’s iPad.”

Ottens added, “It is still our intention to give back a portion of our sales to charitable organizations and as previously stated, we will donate 20% of all revenue from the sale of the ‘See Jesus’ app to the American Cancer Society.”

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Found here.

Maybe with some "Just For Men" on that beard....

For years I’ve heard church people ask the question, “How would your church react if Jesus came to one of your services?”  It’s supposed to be a introspective question that forces you to imagine how you would react to a crazy-eyed bearded man that hasn’t showered in a few days.

Well, if you are a member of one St. Louis congregation, you don’t have to ask anymore… You can proudly answer, “Why, we’d bar him from the sanctuary and make him sit in the hallway of course!”

Technically, Jesus was not barred from their sanctuary; but a nice old man (who may or may not be crazy) dressed up like Jesus  was.  Here’s the full story.

Tract Tuesday – part 5

Zack —  November 2, 2010 — 2 Comments

Apparently Jack Chick is not a fan of the movie Shaft. Also, I almost feel complicitly racist just posting this.

(As always, special thanks to the good people at Chick Publishing for all their hard work in putting this tract together.)

Pyrotechnic Eulogy

Zack —  October 27, 2010 — Leave a comment

Preacher’s funerals go with a blast

Chris Pearce, managing director of Dudley-based Jubilee Fireworks, gives sparkling send-offs on request.

He launches rockets loaded with cremated remains into the sky, ensuring a fitting farewell for watching relatives.

As well as his day job the 49-year-old gives sermons on the side and he has even introduced fireworks to his services so that they go with a bang.

Methodist Mr. Pearce has given his daring displays at churches in Dudley, Tipton, West Bromwich and Wednesbury as well as obliging with the special scattering ceremonies.

“One or two people every year request to have their ashes launched in a rocket,” he said. “Particularly firework enthusiasts decide this is a good way to say goodbye.

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If ever there was something funerals were lacking it’s excitement. Kudos to Mr. Pearce for putting the “fun” back in funeral.

Yoga Is Demonic

Zack —  October 13, 2010 — 7 Comments

 

Or at least that’s what Albert Mohler and Mark Driscoll would have you believe. He’s what Mr. Driscoll had to say in a recent interview with the Seattle Times:

 

“A recent essay by the president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Ky., warned Christians that yoga is contradictory to Christianity. And local megachurch pastor Mark Driscoll of Mars Hill Church went even further, saying earlier this year that yoga is “absolute paganism.”

“Should Christians stay away from yoga because of its demonic roots? Totally. Yoga is demonic,” Driscoll said. “If you just sign up for a little yoga class, you’re signing up for a little demon class.”

 

Now, I’m not shocked to hear Driscoll bash yoga. Obviously it’s not the most masculine thing in the world. So, therefore in Driscoll’s mind it must also be non-Christian. But when you label everything under the sun “demonic” and “pagan” you lose some credibility. That is if you had any to begin with.

Now, to be fair: does yoga have “pagan” (Hindu) origins? Yes. And so does Christmas and Easter. The church intentionally selected pagan holy days and rituals and reclaimed them for use in the kingdom.

For me this is the heart of the Christian faith and the very point of redemption and salvation. We see this over and over again in the gospels. Jesus, the “cleanest” and holiest of holy reaches out, touches, and restores the unholy. The entire structure of existence is reshaped in this redemptive act. No longer does the holy become corrupted through it’s contact with the holy, instead the unclean is made clean again because it has come in contact with the Savior.

We have, I think, in many ways reverted back to the via negativa (negative way) faith of our recent forefathers. We define ourselves almost exclusively by what we DON’T do and who or what we DON’T come in contact with. This couldn’t be further from the gospel Jesus proclaimed when He sat down with sinners, ate with tax collectors, and defended adulterers.

Yes, we must always be on our guard and flee from temptation. But at the same time we must remember that the unholy, the “pagan” is made holy when it comes in contact with the holy. We are God’s holy people charged with spreading that holiness and grace to a lost and dying world. Instead of spending all of our time calling things and people “pagan” and “demonic” perhaps we should start to imagine ways that those unholy things and people can be reclaimed and restored for use in the kingdom of God.

 

Dual Purpose Fundraiser

Zack —  October 2, 2010 — 1 Comment

Worlds collide in this epic fundraiser. Personally, I can’t think of a better way to raise money than bringing together gospel music and wrestling. The only trajedy here is that it happened last year. Otherwise, they would have raised some serious funds from this guy.

Special thanks to my friend Tommy for sending us this pic.

Bad Bob

Zack —  September 29, 2010 — 4 Comments

You gotta love religious tracts. And of course by love I mean hate. Here’s one my friend David picked up the other day. It tells us exactly what will happen to our children if we don’t raise them right:

Meet Bad Bob. Bob didn’t start out bad. He was made that way because his mother didn’t spank him enough.

Eventually Bob’s lack of spanking caught up with him.

And of course Bob eventually found himself in jail.

One day the jail caught fire.

Fortunately someone was there to explain to Bob that the jail house fire wasn’t just real, it was a metaphor.

As is always the case Bad Bob became Christian Bob as soon as he heard the salvation sales pitch.

Unfortunately for Bob’s friends, they now had to find a new dealer.

Join us again next Tuesday as we start a new tradition here at American Jesus: Tract Tuesdays. And remember, if you don’t spank your kids they will grow up to be drug dealers.

Minivan Evangelism

Zack —  September 2, 2010 — 1 Comment

Why did God invent the side of a minivan? Simple: evangelism tool.

(photo courtesy of Desso Photography)

Jesus For Sell

Zack —  August 27, 2010 — 2 Comments

Here’s a couple things I found on my trip to Seattle:

I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure this is what Luther was talking about when he protested the selling of salvation.

This one is for all the ladies who say “Jesus is my boyfriend” or “I’m married to Jesus.” You know who you are.