One pastor gets waaaay too detailed when explaining what happens in gay bedrooms…
Was the powerpoint presentation really necessary?
Archives For September 2010
I’ve always thought we needed more interpretive dances at church. I think this proves it….
You gotta love religious tracts. And of course by love I mean hate. Here’s one my friend David picked up the other day. It tells us exactly what will happen to our children if we don’t raise them right:
Meet Bad Bob. Bob didn’t start out bad. He was made that way because his mother didn’t spank him enough.
Eventually Bob’s lack of spanking caught up with him.
And of course Bob eventually found himself in jail.
One day the jail caught fire.
Fortunately someone was there to explain to Bob that the jail house fire wasn’t just real, it was a metaphor.
As is always the case Bad Bob became Christian Bob as soon as he heard the salvation sales pitch.
Unfortunately for Bob’s friends, they now had to find a new dealer.
Join us again next Tuesday as we start a new tradition here at American Jesus: Tract Tuesdays. And remember, if you don’t spank your kids they will grow up to be drug dealers.
We like church picnics here at American Jesus. A little while back, we saw church picnics getting sexy. Now we’re seeing them get bloody. From the article:
“The rector of a Hingham church says parishioners trying to hold a post-Mass picnic at the town’s beach were interrupted by a Canadian goose being shot in front of them.
The Rev. Timothy Schenk of the St. John the Evangelist Episcopal church said that the church was holding its “preach at the beach” Mass last week when parishioners saw two hunters open fire on a small flock of geese.
He said one goose was shot and fell into the water, but did not die immediately.
Schenk said parents and children at the picnic were upset about the shooting. He said the Mass was designed for children and to remind them that God isn’t just found at the pulpit and in the pews.”
In related news, the church’s family counseling ministry has probably seen a sudden increase in clients as a result.
Let me preface this by saying I’m all for the diversity of worship. You can worship differently than me and not only is that ok, but I think it’s great. Much of the beauty of the church lies in her diversity.
That being said I honestly don’t know what to make of this…….
So many questions…..
1. Who’s idea was this?
2. What are they supposed to represent?
3. Where do you hide your kids?
OR
4. How do you keep your kids from being too scared to come back to church?
5. Where does one acquire giant liturgical puppets?
6. Are these reject muppets from the Jim Henson Company?
7. Are those hands or giant spatulas?
8. Does Bed, Bath, and Beyond carry those giant spatulas?
9. Is there 1 really tall person underneath that costume or several midgets stacked on top of each other?
10. Is the dancer trying to express some deep theological thought or is that a “please don’t eat me giant puppet” dance?
11. Is this service being held in a Holiday Inn or Ramada Inn conference room?
12. Why do they all have long hair? Don’t they know that Paul said it is disgraceful for puppets to have long hair?
13. Will there being a 7th inning stretch race involving the giant liturgical puppets?
So many questions, so few answers…….
If you’re like me, you had a few of those “Choose Your Own Adventure” books when you were young. (Luckily, I didn’t have the one pictured above…). I had thought that my days of picking which page on which to continue my story were over, but thankfully I was wrong.
I present to you The Sojourner, a free online “Choose Your Own Adventure” game for Christians!
The good thing about Christian games is that you don’t have to deal with all the violence and gore that secular games have these days. My favorite “ending scene” from the site is the following (SPOILER ALERT!) :
“Unfortunately it is you’re fate (or karma) to be crushed to death.Chainsaws poke out of every wall…greedy for yor blood. You are terrified to find yourself sliding into a black void and an unbearable heat gets hotter and hotter! Demons grab at your legs to pull you into an eternity of suffering…“
Another highlight presents itself when you find yourself in the room of “Satisfaction.” Choose to “join the group smoking drugs,” and then “call out for help.” You then go to the “Who do you call to?” page, where you have the following options:
1.Allah.
2.Buddha.
3.Your Hindu gods.
4.Jesus.
5.Your god (if not mentioned above).
6.Anyone who happens to be a round!(You’re an Athiest)
I’ll give you a hint. Most of those answers result with more chainsaw walls….
So I’ve seen a lot of televangelists hock their magic anointing oil on tv, but never like this. Usually the scam, I mean pitch, is: you send us a chunk of cash and we will send you this vial of olive oil for you to pour over whatever you want blessed.
“You say you can’t pay your bills this month? No problem, just send me a love offering of $59.95, I’ll send you this anointing oil, you pour it over your bills, then sit back and watch them get paid!”
Well, this guy takes it to a whole new level. Apparently if you’re struggling with witchcraft in your life, and who isn’t these days, then all you have to do is pour a few drops of this anointing oil in your laundry and “poof” out comes the devil!
It’s an OxiClean exorcism!
As promised, here is a video from the wonderful mind of the Mark Driscoll/Glenn Beck spawn Doug Giles. Actually, that’s probably not fair to either one of those guys. Doug is probably a bigger chauvinist and definitely more militant than Driscoll and ironically he’s a lot goofier/weirder then Glenn Beck.
In this video we hear from the non-pastor why pastors who are not actively engaged in politics are going to spend eternity in hell. It’s short, but that’s ok because Doug doesn’t have to justify what he says. He says it and that’s enough.
According to CBN, this Sunday is being declared by over 100 pastors as “Pulpit Freedom Sunday.” If you don’t know what that means, here’s a ridiculously short explanation:
Churches don’t have to pay taxes because, in theory, they perform a public service. Because the government does not tax religion, it has no authority in the day-to-day religious operation. Also, it means that religion cannot have a say-so in the day-to-day government operation (i.e. campaigning or endorsing one candidate over another). Many pastors feel this violates their right to free speech, and are staging “Pulpit Freedom Sunday” to express their political viewpoints, despite the risk of losing their tax exempt status.
There are lots of issues and viewpoints here. Most people agree that if a government agency is paying you to do something, you should be held accountable by someone to make sure that you are doing the agreed upon task. Wouldn’t it make sense to require the same of a tax exempt organization? I am willing to go out on a limb and say that there are many more churches that receive tax-free status than there are churches who actually venture out into the community to serve the common good. If the reason they are exempt is because they are serving the broader community, shouldn’t community service be a requirement?
The primary issue is whether or not churches and pastors should involve themselves in politics at all. Personally, I don’t even mention politics with people at church because as a pastor, people attribute a certain authority to what I say (whether it is deserved or not). I would not dare to use that authority to imply that God endorses one party or one candidate over another. I believe that there is too much gray in the world to proclaim from the pulpit that black is better than white, or vice versa. Of course, all of this is my preference, and there are thousands and thousands of more experienced ministers that would likely disagree with me on every point.
Bottom line, I like having tax exempt status as a church. However, I think we should earn it- after all, don’t most conservatives consider handouts unAmerican and socialistic? I also don’t mind a pastor who wants to endorse a candidate or party (although I think it’s a misuse of authority). However, I would hope that if he wants to get involved with the political process, then he wouldn’t be upset if the government wanted to be involved in his process- or at least revoke his tax free status.
Like everyone else in the country, pastors actually do have the right to free speech. Also like everyone else in the country, though, some speech has consequences. May we all realize that free speech isn’t synonymous with “consequence-free speech.”
I’d actually love to get a lot of feedback on this one. If you are a pastor, do you feel like your church deserves tax-exempt status? Why or why not? If you are a normal church-goer, how do you feel about your pastor weighing in on political issues and elections?
Make sure you’re rapture ready! The Third Eagle of the Apocalypse will tell you how…
