Joel Osteen Publishes New Book Of Magic Spells

Zack —  September 17, 2012 — 18 Comments

 

 

Any fan of Harry Potter will tell you that magic spells are awesome.

Say the right words the right way and your wishes will literally come true. It’s all the fun of having a genie without the need of a magic lamp.

Apparently, Joel Osteen is a big fan of magic spells.

In his new book I Declare, Osteen, that great bastion of theological insight, offers “31 promises to speak over your life.” (See the article below)

While, to be fair, I have not read the book (nor will I), his premise is the literary incarnation of every sermon I have heard him preach and both of them sound a lot like an Intro to Magic Spells class Harry would have taken at Hogwarts (That combined with his usual nonsense about the problems and challenges in your life being the result of a bad attitude. Hear that Holocaust survivors? If your attitude had been a little better you probably wouldn’t have had so many problems with that Hitler fellow).

Why do I say Osteen’s “promises” are spells in self-help clothing?

Because in Osteen’s mind we have the power to force the universe, and by extension God, to conform to our will if we utter the right combination of words, or as he calls them “promises”.

That’s not prayer, nor is it a noble act of faith.

It’s hocus pocus.

Did Jesus talk about having enough faith to speak to a mountain to move and it would? Absolutely, but reading that passage as a formulation for theological spell casting demonstrates the fact that Osteen’s literary interpretation skills are on par with a kindergartener, i.e. the word “metaphor” is not in pastor smiley’s vocabulary.

Should we have faith that God can do great things in and through our lives?

Of course.

But there is a HUGE difference between praying and casting magic spells “over your life.”

Prayer demonstrates a dependence on God and a willingness to accept the fact that we are not in control. Prayer also acknowledges that, like Job, even though we may posses great faith we cannot force or even compel God to act. We can only hope and trust in God’s promises to be with us as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

Magic spells demonstrate God’s irrelevance in our lives. Sure we may invoke “god” in our incantations, but the notion that one can “speak promises over your life” and that those words of our own choosing are necessarily bound to come to fruition, that mentality harkens all the way back to the garden when Adam and Eve thought they could eat a magic apple and be magically transformed into God.

It didn’t happen for them and Osteen’s magic spells won’t work for him (or you) either.

I know I’m speaking to a brick wall here, by Osteen and his disciples need to come to terms with the fact that being a disciple of Jesus doesn’t give you magical powers to bend the universe to your will.

It’s a hazardous path that leads to death.

There is certainly a light at the end of the tunnel, but just like Jesus, we’re problably going to have to go through hell before we get to heaven.

Ok, enough already. That’s my Osteen rant for the day.

Here’s the article about the book in question.

Make sure you read it for yourself because Osteen’s publishers are suckers who gave away a few magic spells in the preview (they’re at the end of the article, so you’ll have to click on the link).

That’s right, free magic spells today only at The American Jesus.

You’re welcome America.

THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE SNEAK PEEK AT JOEL OSTEEN‘S NEW BOOK ’I DECLARE’: ‘GOD NEVER ABORTS A DREAM’

By Billy Hallowell, The Blaze

On Tuesday, televangelist Joel Osteen will be releasing “I Declare: 31 Promises to Speak Over Your Life,” his new book aimed at helping readers delve into the Christian scriptures to find purpose and meaning.

The hardcover aims to explore God’s blessings in the areas of family, personal health, finances, overall individualistic outlook and overcoming obstacles — all important areas that impact individuals’ lives. This morning, TheBlaze has an exclusive look at the book before it hits shelves.

“I Declare” is broken into 31 segments, as Osteen uses the structure to encourage readers to focus upon one theme each day over the course of a month. Throughout the book, the faith leader, who serves as the senior pastor of Lakewood Church in Houston, Texas, works to inspire readers to examine their lives in an effort to attain self-improvement and a deeper relationship with God.

Individuals are encouraged to make specific declarations surrounding their personal lives and faiths. These proclamations are intended to help people progress in their personal journeys.

“I declare it is not too late to accomplish everything God has placed in my heart. I have not missed my window of opportunity. God has moments of favor in my future,“ the introduction to ”Day Four” reads. “He is preparing me right now because He is about to release a special grace to help me accomplish that dream. This is my time. This is my moment. I receive it today! This is my declaration.”

The chapter goes on encourage readers to abandon the excuses they may be giving for not accomplishing their dreams. Instead of avoidance, Osteen encourages people to push forward and to challenge themselves to succeed, regardless of the obstacles…

Continue Reading

 

Zack

Posts

  • http://notes-from-off-center.com/ Andrew Tatusko

    Promise #1: Hairgel. Don’t be shy or afraid of it.

    • ZackHunt

      That’s a promise I wish I could proclaim over my life. But alas, the hair gods have deemed me unworthy of a frock of hair as glorious as Joel’s.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dav1dsharp David Sharp

    “… being a disciple of Jesus doesn’t give you magical powers to bend the universe to your will.”

    This sure would help with the whole “make disciples of all nations” thing. First, they’d dive into the baptismal water if they emerged as a sorcerer, and second we could just deploy a Jedi mind trick if they weren’t sure that following Jesus was a good idea. :)

  • James Ericson

    Never have been a fan of “pastor smiley” because of his self help theology. Most of his messages are how you can help yourself with a little God on the side.

  • http://www.fivedills.com Greg Dill

    Osteen and others like him have rebranded Christianity into another self-help system… and nothing more. Jesus taught a different message that includes dying to self, becoming humble, and becoming all things to all people, loving the least of these. Osteen’s Christianity is about making yourself better and elevating self above others. I’m afraid the early church were it around today wouldn’t even recognize Osteen’s gobblygook.

  • Drew

    So, you will watch Harry Potter (you sure know an awful lot about the movies), but you will not read a book by Joel Osteen. I don’t particularly like him either, but I mean seriously, this whole post and article are useless.

    • ZackHunt

      I’ve got a few extra minutes before class starts, so I’ll bite.

      You’re going to have to enlighten me as to why my choosing to watch a Harry Potter movie rather than reading a Joel Osteen book renders “this whole post and article useless”. Seriously, I am genuinely curious about that line of thought.

      In my own defense I thought I made the purpose/reason/usefulness of my post pretty clear: Osteen’s theology is essentially magic and therefore not particularly Christian.

      • http://www.fivedills.com Greg Dill

        I too can’t wait to hear how Zack rendered this post useless by watching an entertaining film. Unless, Zack has turned into a wizard and used his wand to ZAP the post into uselessness. Those Muggles. I tell ya.

      • fredshope

        Maybe he means that they are both fantasy?

      • DEI

        Is it any more magical or Hocus Pokus than a man being raised from the dead?

  • Karen

    Bingo, Zack! For a really good read at how we got to the place of heretical pastors, like Joel, having such a place of prominence on the American religious landscape, I recommend Ross Douthat’s book, “Bad Religion: How We Became a Nation of Heretics” (released April 2012). If you haven’t already read it, you will find it right up your alley. Very illuminating and well-written. That’s my endorsement.

  • http://www.facebook.com/somersetmorkel Somerset Morkel

    He has a growing fan club here in South Africa and it is cause for great concern. Thank you for your excellent comments.

    • DEI

      And Osteen’s popularity is exploding throughout Asia (started in South Korea), Australia, throughout Africa (Kenya, Nigeria, Ghana, Liberia, Tanzania, etc.) and in the U.K. and parts of Europe.
      I’m baffeled by this. If what Osteen teaches doesn’t work, why is it growing worldwide? It reminds me of what Gamaliel the Pharisee said when the Apostles began telling their ‘magical tale’ of Jesus being resurrected: “If it is not of God, it will fail.” Well, apparently, it was of God. He was doing a new thing, but they did not perceive it.
      Like the Sadducees and Pharisees, you guys have prohibited God from doing something new. It isn’t Osteen that “expects God to conform to our will,” it is you that demands God stay in the box you’ve put Him in.

      • Karen

        I have a different take on this, DEI. Africa and Asia are countries in which various forms of traditional religion (animism, occultism) are prevalent. This is a very natural way of thinking for these people. “Name it and claim it” theologies (Joel Olsteen is a soft-sell version of this philosophy) properly belong to this more “occult” understanding of how spiritual reality “works.” The scary thing is not that it doesn’t work, but what spirit is really behind this sort of “prayer” as human manipulation through verbal formulae. It is man essentially playing at being god. This can be true even if he is invoking biblical terms and language. True biblical prayer, on the other hand, is man communing with God and learning to know His Voice and do His will, not the other way around!

      • ZackHunt

        Mohammed was pretty successful with that Islam thing and he claimed God was “doing a new thing.”

        So if numerical “success” = divine affirmation, then Mohammed must have been doing the will of God, right?

        If not, you’ll have to explain to me why not because by the numbers = affirmation/God is doing a new thing rationale you’re using, not affirming Islam would seem a lot like putting God in a box to me.

  • the_old_islander

    Jesus is hocus pocus too, yet somehow the Bible is the world’s longest-running bestseller. Go figger. :-

  • roy

    Yeshua answered and said to him: “Timeless truth I am telling you: If a person is not born again, it is impossible for that one to see the Kingdom of God.” Aramaic Version of John 3:3 http://aramaic-plain-english.scripturetext.com/john/3.htm

  • Tomas

    Hocus spokes joel speak to the economy and to the jobless the homeless the terrorist and wala wala they disapear better then Harry Potter with out the wand he uses the Bible