If there’s one thing that white Christians like, it’s songs that tell you exactly how to dance to that song. In most cases, it’s the only way that white Christians know how to dance at all. That probably explains why so many Christians love the song by DJ Khaled, “All I Do is Win.”
In the same spirit as our Thriller megapost, we are going to take a look at many different Christian versions of this modern triumph of sound.
First up is “All Ya Do Is Sin.” This seems to be the youth pastor rendition which aims to tell his kids to stop trying to “round second base” on church trips. Extra points for this line in the chorus: And every time a leader calls a handcheck everybody’s hands go up…. and they stay there
Our next entry is “All I Do Is Sin,” written and performed by some 7th and 8th grade boys in a youth group. There’s not much nice to say here, but the highlight is at :25 when the chubby kid makes it rain in the youth room. That’s gangsta, son.
Probably the most overtly evangelistic version is “All I Do Is Praise.” Not only that, but this video looks professionally done- especially for a Christian spin-off of a well-known song. One could easily imagine P-Diddy in this video. And if you gonna praise put your hands in the air, make em stay there!
They may not have broken the bank on video production, but our final entry does lead the league in Scripture references. Enjoy “All I Do Is Pray.”
White people aren’t the only ones dabbling in bad Christian rap these days.
Everybody with us now:
“Baby Wake Up… It’s Suuuunday
Get the Kids Up… It’s Suuuunday
I been going to church my whole life on Sundays,
I messed up all week but not on Sunday!”
Without a doubt, Carman is the king of entertaining Christian music videos. In fact, he was featured in our last Throwback Thursday. Well, he’s going to make two “Throwbacks” in a row, because the following video is too awesome not to have a permanent home here at American Jesus.
In fact, we’re going to go ahead and make that a rule: If you make a Christian video that involves a Western themed bar-room shootout between demons and man, we’re posting that bad boy. Man law.
These guys may not have the amazing American flag windbreaker as the guy from the other day, but they still have lots of stuff going for them.
What’s perhaps most incredible about this video is the fact that it’s not one of those classic late 80′s, early 90′s videos from a bygone era when people “just didn’t know any better.” Based on the appearance of the MacBook Pro in the beginning and their own reference to the Tea Party this epic song was written and recorded in the past couple of years.
Which means those outfits, haircuts, and dance moves were also chosen within the past couple of years.
Anyway, sit back, relax, and plug in your ears enjoy this sure to be classic song about America “returning” to the things she once believed.
We couldn’t get enough of the Good News Gang after seeing the incredible Erik Estrada video yesterday, so we’re bringing you some more.
This time there aren’t any horny elephants (sadly), but there are puppets, a liberty bell, an amazing American flag windbreaker, and more than a healthy dose of Christian patriotism.
Today we throw it back to a Carman classic: “Witch’s Invitation”
Because if there is something we can all connect to it’s receiving letters in the mail from warlocks. I guess if your friends with Charlie Sheen that might actually be pretty normal.
There is one significant problem with this video…..as we all know witches don’t use the post office. They use owls!!
Apparently Christians are deeply moved by The Lonely Island’s digital short on SNL, “Like a Boss” (Note: Link takes you to “clean” version, although it’s still pretty vulgar). Youtube is practically bursting at the seams with Christian knock-offs of the infamous video. Here are our 5 favorites- let us know in the comments which one you think deserves the titles of “Bossiest Christian Like A Boss Video.”
1.) This one’s actually fairly well done and fairly true to the original. Probably the favorite to bring the title home
2.) The Pentecostal version- “Like a ‘Cost”. Solid entry
3.) It actually took me a few seconds to calibrate my mind around the fact that they had completely replaced “Like a Boss” with “Preach the Word.” Visionaries…
4.) This one get deductions for not even attempting to sound like the song he references. Tisk, tisk sir.
5.) The last entry had a lot of potential, but the length left us wanting more (Obligatory: “That’s what she said “)
If you’re like me, the two passions in your life are white rappers and Jesus Christ. To my own dismay, these two worlds rarely- if ever- collide. Well, brace yourself- because below is a Jesusified version of “The Real Slim Shady” called “The Real Jesus Christ.” And yes, it is every bit as awesome as you think it would be. Watch out Lecrae!
Lyrics below the video.
“The Real Jesus Christ”
May I have your attention please?
May I have your attention please?
Will the real Jesus Christ please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Jesus Christ please stand up?
We’re gonna have a problem here..
Y’all act like you never seen God before
Jaws all on the floor like me, like God just burst in the door
and started spitin his word better than before
he is sometimes ignored, been throw out the door (Ahh!)
It’s the return of the… “Ah, wait, no way, you’re kidding,
he didn’t just die on the cross for our sins, did he?”
And Jesus said… of course i did!
Jesus is back, he’s locked inside my heart! (Ha-ha!)
Christian people love Jesus
Chiga Chiga Chiga
“Jesus Christ, I’m lovin of him
Look at him, walkin around in heaven with you-know-what
Flippin spiritualy the you-know-who,” “Yeah, but he is so great though!”
Yeah, he’s probably got a couple of people not following his word But what’s worse, than what’s goin when people don’t believe in him
Sometimes, I wanna get on the news and just let his word loose, but can’t
but it’s cool for for them to show another movie on tv
“His word is on my lips, his word is on my lips”
And if I’m lucky, i might just be able to see his face
And that’s the message that we should deliver to little kids
And expect them know what a gods word is
Of course they should know what gods word is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Bible don’t they?
“We ain’t nothing but his creation..” Even, all across the nation
who love other people and open up his word
But if we can follow his word
then there’s no reason that a man or women should ever have to suffer
But if you feel like I feel, I got the Word
Everyone wave your bible, sing the chorus and it goes
[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]
‘Cause Hes Jesus Christ, yes hes the real God
All you other posers are just imitating
So won’t the real Jesus Christ please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
[Eminem]
Jesus Chirst don’t gotta lie in his bible to tell his word;
And you don’t, so praise him and he will praise you too!
You think he doesn’t give a thought about You?
Half of you people can’t even praise him, let alone stand him
“But Guys, what if you did, wouldn’t it be great?”
Why? So Jesus could just use his word to get you here?
So you can, sit there next to your idol?
Shoot, You better better switch me chairs
so I can sit next to Him, the one, Jesus Christ
and watch ‘em bless over who believed in him first
You better praise, they should put him on MTV
“Yeah, he’s great, and I think he’s ready to see me !”
You should download his audio on MP3
and show the whole world how god’s word is key
I wish you people would listen to him, all I do is think of him
so I have been sent here to teach you
And there’s a million of us just like me
who pray like me; who just don’t care about themselves like me
who go to church like me; walk, talk and act for god like me
and just might be the next best thing but not quite as good as him!
[Chorus]
[Eminem]
His word is so great to listen to, cause hes only givin you
things you can talk about with your friends inside your living room
The only catch is you need to mean it when you say it
in front of everyone and It don’t gotta be false or sugarcoated at all
just get on the mic and spit it
and whether you like to admit it I just praise it
all for god and i am happy for the rappers who also can
I wonder if kids can listen to these words like i did
It’s funny; cause at the rate I’m goin when I’m in heaven
I’ll be one of many in Gods Kingdom happy
Jumping for joy when I’m running away with Jesus
And I’m crazy for him, and i hope this rap starts working
And every single person is a Jesus Christ lurkin
He could be watchin me as i sing, spittin his word in his ring
Or in the church, circling
Screaming “I love Jesus so much!”
with my word flowing down and my bible held up
So, will the real Jesus please stand up?
And put one of those scriptures on each book up?
And be proud to be our savior of my mind and my soul
and one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
Apparently it stands for “Hardcore Bible Thumping Spirit Filled Jesus Freaks.”
It’s so obvious now. I don’t know why I didn’t get that the first time.
Anyway, we present yet another reason why you probably shouldn’t make your own homemade Christian rap video. Although I will say that nothing says “gangsta” more than sitting in front of a wooden fence. Orange pants and a touch of auto-tune don’t hurt either.
