Archives For John Piper

 

 

From the great mind that brought us “Farewell Rob Bell”, we now have this gem of a tweet from John Piper…

So many questions…

For starters, what does that even mean?

Is Piper predicting his own assassination at the hands of SEAL Team Six?

Was “Farewell bin Laden” too passe?

With all the news coverage why can’t Piper spell bin Laden’s name correctly?

And, most importantly, why is John Piper still allowed to use Twitter?

While the biggest holiday going on is clearly the first real day of March Madness, we also want to recognize a little known day thatyou may have heard of- St. Patrick’s Day.

We can think of no better way to honor St. Patrick than to provide our readers with some tasty limericks regarding the media flap over Rob Bell.  Enjoy!

 

 

There once was a pastor named Piper
Who was so old that he wore adult diapers
He judged others so
Because only he knows
How to rank faith like Mel Kiper

 

There was a nice heretic named Bell
Whose strange ideas he did tell
Piper said “bye!”
And when rob asked “why?”
He said “you don’t believe in my hell”

 

A new book that came out is “Love Wins”
Inside it are all kinds of sins
Condemn it to hell
And increase its sales
But soon find it in clearance bins

Madness Matchups

Zack —  March 15, 2011 — 1 Comment

We’ve done the research for you. So, all you have to do is vote for the winner.

As promised here are the breakdowns of the matchups for American Jesus Madness.

 

Mark Driscoll vs. Interpretive Dance Lady

This one might seem like a no brainer. Driscoll is a man’s man. He doesn’t mess with sissy stuff like yoga. There is no way he would ever lose to a woman. But don’t be so quick to count this lady out. Not only is she an awesome dancer, but her video made it all the way to the Huffington Post! Then again, Driscoll is probably too much of a bully to lose to anybody.

 

Ted Haggard vs. Hookers For Jesus

This might be one of the trickiest 1st round matchups. We all know that Pastor Ted has a penchant for hookers, and possibly his own family. But these hookers loves Jesus. So, if Ted decides to take one home it might not end up the way he hopes. Then again, Ted was never a big fan of female hookers.

 

Terry Jones vs. Westboro Baptist

There’s nothing pretty (or redeeming) about this match up. Terry Jones wants to burn the Koran and Fred Phelps wants everybody to burn. Neither one of these people have many fans. Just know that if you do vote for Westboro Baptist we will judge you.

 

Stephen Colbert vs. Kirk Cameron

This is a battle of TV stars. You may be wondering “Why is Stephen Colbert in the tournament?” Here’s your answer. Also, he’s catholic and sorry to all you fundies out, but there that does count as being a Christian. There was a time when I would have gladly voted for Kirk Cameron for anything. I’ll admit it. I was a Growing Pains fan. But then Kirk hooked up with Ray Comfort and he quickly fell off my teen idol list. Just remember that if you don’t vote for Stephen Colbert it means you hate America.

 

John Piper vs. Mountaintop Jesus

This might be an easy win for Piper. Apparently, all he has to do is say “farewell” and you’re done. But, he’ll have to climb to the top of a mountain to get at this incarnation of Jesus. Or maybe Piper can just tweet his victory.

 

Ron Luce vs. YouTube Christian Rapper

We’ve got another tough 1st round battle here. Two armies collide, only 1 will survive. On one side Ron Luce has his Teen Mania army ready to destroy everyone in their path. On the other side is an army of YouTube Christian Rappers here, here, here, and here ready for their big break. Who will win? I don’t know, but either way we are the losers in the battle.

 

Steven Anderson vs. King James Bible

This 1st round matchup is a full on Civil War. In one corner we have the greatest fundie pastor of them all. In the other corner is the only true, uncorrupted version of the word of God. Pastor Anderson loves the KJV, so what can he do? This one all comes down to whether or not this KJV is 1611 or a newer corruption.

 

Jack Chick vs. Ed Young

Sometimes you get really random pairings because they were the only people left. Such is the case in this first round matchup. Jack Chick is the godfather of religious tracts. Ed Young loves 3-D. It’s old Christian tech versus new hotness. This one’s totally up to the voters.

 

Rob Bell vs. Tree Jesus

Did you know Rob Bell wrote a new book?? Probably not, since nobody has really said anything about it. In other news, Jesus has been popping up everywhere, including a tree. To be honest this matchup is probably a no brainer. All Rob Bell has to do is imply that there is no tree and everyone else will decide that there is no tree. Rob wins!

 

Pat Robertson vs. Rocking Chair Jesus

This could be a battle for the ages. What can be a tougher fight than a senile old man and a rocking chair. Throw in the fact that the senile old man is a pastor and the rocking chair has the face of Jesus on it and you’ve got a battle of epic proportians. History tells us that the rocking chair usually wins this battle, but don’t count out Pat. He may turn out to be the tournament sleeper that steals the show. Get it? Sleeper, rocking chair. That’s a top quality joke right there.

 

Rick Warren vs. Andy Stanley

This battle is a pure Tupac vs. Biggie, East Coast/West Coast showdown. If you’re an east coaster, go with Stanley. If you’re a west coaster, go with Warren. If you live in the middle, then just go to your church’s library and see who’s curriculum you’re using and vote accordingly.

 

Doug Giles vs. Christian Ventriloquist

If you don’t know who Doug Giles is then count yourself lucky. If you’ve never had to sit through this rapping Christian ventriloquist then count yourself equally blessed. The smart money here is on Giles to whip the ventriloquist out of the tournament because that’s what Jesus would do.

 

Joel Osteen vs. Pet Rock Jesus

It’s the smiling preacher versus a rock that supposedly looks like Jesus and Mary. Osteen is the heavy favorite here. After all what’s not to love about Joel? I would say everything. Then again, if you vote for Joel God will make you rich.

 

Ken Ham vs. Ray Comfort

This may just be the toughest 1st round matchup to call. You’ve got Creation Museum founder Ken Ham going against none other than the banana man himself Ray Comfort. This one will definitely come down to the wire, but Ham may just pull through with his epic Noah’s ark theme park.

 

Third Eagle vs. John Hagee

Things don’t get any easier with this matchup. We’ve got two titanic self proclaimed experts on end time prophecy going head to head. If John Hagee seems like the favorite here, then it’s only because you don’t know enough about the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse. Watch his videos, especially the music videos, and then decide who the real co-prophet of the end times is!

 

Buddy Jesus vs. May 21, 2011

This may seem like a random pairing, an action figure against a prophesied date for the second coming, but that’s only because it is. Buddy Jesus is pretty awesome, but does is have the cahones to run a national campaign declaring the exact date for the second coming of Jesus. This one’s all on you.

 

So there you have it! Breakdowns of all the 1st round matchups. In the end though, it’s up to YOU to vote on the winner. Stay tuned for a schedule of match up and voting times.

American Jesus Madness

Zack —  March 15, 2011 — 13 Comments

 

 

It’s March Madness time which means it’s time for all true blooded Americans to neglect their jobs for the next couple of weeks pouring over obscure statistics in order to fill out the perfect bracket and then watch that bracket bust after the first round.

Since we anticipate having our own brackets busted by Friday we’ve decided have some fun before we get depressed.

We’re starting a new tradition and we’re calling it: American Jesus Madness.

It works just like the NCAA Tournament, but instead of basketball teams we’re going to use famous Christians and famous Christian things. We’ve sort of seeded people, i.e. Rob Bell should have an easy match up against the image of Jesus that appeared on a tree recently. However other 1st round matches are a bit tougher, i.e. Terry Jones vs. Westboro Baptist.

It’s completely up to YOU to decided who wins and why. You can vote on who/what is funnier, more important, you can choose the lesser/greater of two evils or choose winners to create awesome match ups in later rounds. You can use any rational you want and feel free to let us know why you chose the way you did.

UPDATE: We’ll have a 1st Round breakdown posted later today so that you can have a better idea about the match ups and who to choose.

Here’s how it’s gonna work:

Below is a bracket we’ve put together. Believe it our not we actually have a prize for the winner! We’re super rich youth pastors, so it’s an awesome $10 iTunes gift card.

If you want to play, then you must print off the bracket below, fill it out by MIDNIGHT THIS THURSDAY, and email it back to us at americanjesusblog@gmail.com (Note: This will probably require you to scan the form or take a picture of it and send us the jpeg) Please include your full name and address with your submission so that we can mail you the iTunes gift card if you win. (All names and address will be deleted upon completion of the tournament)

The tournament will begin THIS FRIDAY morning. (A schedule of match ups will be posted shortly)

We will list and describe the match up and then it is up to YOU to vote on who would win in a head-to-head grudge match. The voting times will be announced with the match up schedule.

You will receive 1 point for every correct winner in the first round, 3 points for the second round, 5 points for the third round, 10 points for the fourth round, and 20 points if you pick the grand champion, or as we are calling it: American Jesus Christian of the Year

The tournament is open to everyone, so help us spread the word on Twitter and Facebook!

Without further ado here is the official American Jesus Madness Tournament Bracket:

You can click on the image above or download a pdf version here: American Jesus Madness Bracket

*In case of a tie we will select a winner out of a hat. Seriously, we own a hat.

**Also, this is obviously the first time we’ve done this so if an unforeseen issue arises please let us know calmly and we will make up an answer for you. REMEMBER THIS IS JUST FOR FUN

Fundie Friday- part 24

Wes —  March 4, 2011 — 1 Comment

Since mentioning Rob Bell is an easy way to drive website hits up (kind of like typing something like “JESSICA ALBA NAKED” somewhere in your post- see what I did there?), today’s Fundie Friday is dedicated to the deluge of uninformed knee-jerk reactions to a video where Rob Bell asks questions to a camera.  Seriously.  That’s all he did.

Anyways, I cant prove this- but I’m pretty sure the guy in this video is Ray Comfort’s love-child.  He’s even got a similar accent.  The only difference between the two that I can see is that Ray Comfort owns a comb.

Enjoy the video and be impressed that this unkempt young man is is fortunate enough to have all of this theology/Bible/Faith/BooksThatHaven’tBeenReleasedYet stuff figured out at such a young age.

Do yourself a favor and make it to the 7:45 mark when he goes on his “PEACE FROM WHAT?!” rant.

If you are interested in hear part 2 of his critique, you can find it here.

That was a search term that led at least 4 people to American Jesus yesterday. Obviously it’s not a ton of people, but still more than enough to be amusing.


Remember when Jesus said “Hate everyone that doesn’t agree with you theologically and call them heretics?” Me neither. Then again if you were to read most of the blogs and tweets that have popped up over the weekend concerning Rob Bell’s new book Love Wins: A Book About Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived you would think that the primary mission of the church is to trash everyone who’s theology doesn’t align with yours and sentence them to an eternity in hell.

This isn’t to say that I don’t think theology isn’t important. I’ve spent most of the past decade of my life studying theology on an academic level and I’m currently in the process of writing a theology book. Theology is tremendously important to the life of the church. It tells us who we are and shapes how we live our lives. The result of bad theology can become incredibly problematic. The concept of “heresy” does have a place in the life of the church. It’s tell us “this is how far we can go and no further”, or maybe more acurately “this is who we are and this who we are not.”

However, we have to be incredibly careful when we go around labeling people “heretics” and their theology “heresy.” Simply because someone doesn’t agree with what you think is fundamentally important to the faith doesn’t mean 1) they are a heretic or 2)what you hold so dear is actually fundamentally important to the faith.

For starters, and this has already been said many other places, you can’t start accusing something of heresy or anything else if you don’t actually know what they’ve said. It amazes (and disgusts) me that so many people have pounced on Rob Bell simply from a marketing campaign from his publisher. I’m looking at you John Piper, Joshua Harris, and Mark Driscoll. As pastors and leaders in the church they ought to be ashamed of how they are and have treated this man without ever having actually read his book. Anyone with a modicum of ability to put their own bias and pre-convinced ideas to the side could watch the video Rob has produced and notice that he never actually makes the claims others are making for him. It’s a marketing campaign. It’s meant to stir up interest and to that end it might just be the greatest Christian marketing campaign in recent memory.

I’m definitely not the only one to notice this (Matthew Paul Turner has spent the better part of his weekend in theological twitter debates over this), but it seems that much of the outcry over Rob’s book stems less from his perceived departure from orthodoxy and more from the fact that he’s not Calvinist or Reformed. The reality of the American church is that most of its loudest voices and most visible faces are people who adhere to the theology of John Calvin. John Piper: Calvinist. Joshua Harris: Calvinst. Mark Driscoll: Calvinist. This isn’t a knock against Calvinism. I for one am a proud Wesleyan-Armenian but I still love those in the Reformed tradition and consider them to be brothers and sisters in Christ. I think the problem is that these men, and well as many others, have been decived by their own prominence into thinking that Calvinist/Reformed theology is orthodoxy. Therefore, anyone who doesn’t agree with all the tenets of Calvin is a “heretic.” The same could be said of many other Christian traditions as well, however, they have not not been as vocal on this issue or least not given as much attention.

Might I suggest, via Jim Belcher in his great book Deep Church: A Third Way Beyond Emerging and Traditional, that since we cannot all agree on the details of the faith we use the “great tradition”, or the ancient creeds of the faith (such as the Apostles’ and Nicene creeds), as our common ground for orthodoxy and theological discussion. It is true that this definition still fails in that our brothers and sisters in the East aren’t completely of one accord on every detail of these creeds, but I think we all agree on enough that they can shape our conversations and debates in a much more helpful way than “this is what I think therefore it is orthodoxy.”

By this measure Rob Bell (along with many others) is not a heretic if in fact he does affirm an empty hell which I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH is at this point merely the accusation of a vocal few. Strictly speaking these ancient creeds of the church, while they do speak of Christ judging, never actually affirm eternal torment. If you really want somebody that tosses out the commonly held foundation of the church and could serve as your poster-child for “heresy” then might I suggest the recent CNN article on John Dominic Crossan or read some of the work of John Shelby Spong. (Notice I said read not assume you know what they’re saying. And yes, even if they’re “heretics” we’ve still gotta love them.)

I don’t agree with Rob on every point he has every made, but I have and continue to use many of the resources he has put together for the service of the church. I do not know him personally but the man I see in his NOOMA films and the one I find in the pages of his book is a man who deeply loves God, the church, and Scripture. He has challenged me and many others to rethink commonly held assumptions about the faith that upon second glance are not at all what we thought, the discovery of which can take us deeper in our faith than we had ever imagined.

If we are to be the people of God Jesus meant for us to be then we have to put these petty squabbles aside and remember that the purpose of the church is not to defend God or theology, but rather feed the hungry, love our enemies, defend the cause of the widow, the orphan and the oppressed, and preach the good news to the poor.

When theological debates are needed (and perhaps they are now) we have to remember not to assume either that we know our “opponent’s” position or that our particular tradition is the definition of orthodoxy. After all, we all know what happens when you ASSume….