Archives For Prophecy

Why God Shook the East Coast…

Wes —  August 24, 2011 — 4 Comments

 

 

Well, you had to know this was coming: the influx of crazy videos telling us why God decided to wreak havoc upon ‘Murrica.  It’s probably even worse due to the proximity to Washington, D.C.

 

Heeyyy… doesn’t Obama live in DC?  It’s a sign!

Regardless, here are our two options for God’s tectonic judgment.

 

Option #1:  We’re in the tribulation, y’all!

Option #2:  It’s the gays!

 

Personally, we’re torn.  On the one hand, Kenny Rogers is right: this is all so apocalyptic feeling.  On the other hand, it’s tough to argue with the logic of  ”Pass gay law…. earthquake.

 

Why do YOU think God smote the east coast?

 

 

Remember these guys?

If not, then you’re in for a real treat.

This time around the Chrisagis Brothers bring us their “Grammy nominated” (really??) song: “Split Second”.

Yes, it is very odd and depressing that they filmed this video in a graveyard. But there is a lot of hope in this song.

And I’m not talking about the second coming of Jesus.

This song boldly declares hope to anyone who’s ever written a song about anything, no matter how awful it was. If these guys can get nominated for a Grammy for this song, then so can you!

The Lord is Coming Back

Zack —  May 16, 2011 — 2 Comments

 

 

If our interview with the May 21st people didn’t convince you of the return of our Lord, then perhaps this little ditty might do the trick.

I don’t see why it wouldn’t. These guy’s enthusiasm for the second coming is infectious!

I’d be lying if I said that I haven’t wished for a Tapley response to the May 21 Rapture crowd. Well, praise the whore of babylon he has!

The Third Eagle William Tapley reveals to us that Camping is a punk and a false prophet. All hail Tapley!

 

May 21, 2011 (AKA Judgement Day) is just around the corner!

So, we’re keeping an eye on things for you, looking out for any sign of our impending doom so that you can get right with Jesus before He comes back in a few weeks.

Here’s your latest sign of the apocalypse……glow in the dark pork!

Miami NewTimes – Gabriela Garcia :

There have been a lot of signs of the apocalypse lately. Earthquake in Haiti, tsunami in Japan, the Donald runs for prez. But this week’s hint at impending global doom comes courtesy of Changsha, China, where several people bought a bunch of pork, left it in their kitchens, and woke up to find it mysteriously glowing bright blue, according to the Wall Street Journal. And an English translation of the Shanghai Daily (which includes some crazy-*** pictures of the meat) states the likely culprit is phosphorescent bacteria. But the city’s health department has declared the mutant Avatarmeat “still safe to consume after cooking and heating.”

As if that weren’t apocalyptically disturbing enough, 47 percent of all beef, pork, and poultry in the United States is likely tainted with a different bacteria, Staphylococcus aureus. This was determined by a recent study that used samples of meat from supermarkets across the country. Thanks to all the antibiotics already pumped into commercial meat, this strain has become drug-resistant and is linked to all kinds of health problems including “potentially fatal illnesses,” according to the study. And though that meat has also been determined safe to eat after cooking at a proper temperature, there can still be cross-contamination via hands, cutting boards, and knives.

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With all the news surrounding the death of Osama Bin Laden, it’s easy to forget the REAL news story this month….

The world is ending on May 21st!!!

I bet you forgot. Well, we are here to remind you.

To help you out, starting today we will be highlighting daily signs of the apocalypse which point to our imminent doom. That way you can make appropriate preparations for the coming apocalypse.

As part of this awareness campaign we have requested an interview with the people behind the May 21st judgement day. Keep your fingers crossed that they’ll say yes so that we can all have a better understanding of what to expect in the coming days.

In the meantime we will scour the news for any signs pointing the way to our impending doom. And if you see any signs in the sky please make sure to share them!

First up, in typical sensitive and sensible evangelical fashion a “theologian” named Paul Begley declares that the tornadoes that destroyed Alabama were in fact a “demon possessed sign of the apocalypse.”

 

This shouldn’t come as much of a surprise.

After all it starred Morgan Freeman as the “President”, obviously a metaphor for God since he ALWAYS plays God in movies including movies in which he technically isn’t playing God. And Elijah Wood was the kid that “saved” the day. Not coincidently Mr. Wood also played the “messanic” Frodo Baggins in Lord of the Rings who saves the world by casting the one ring into the fires of Mt. Doom.

What’s really important in all of this is: THE THIRD EAGLE IS BACK!!!

After a long hiatus the “Co-prophet of the End Times” has returned with new revelations and this time he’s armed…..with a chainsaw and wood cutting machine of some sort. Man can that guy chop some wood.

Franklin Graham: You’ll see Jesus’ return on Twitter, YouTube

By Cathy Lynn Grossman, USA TODAY

Charge your batteries, folks. You won’t want to miss the Second Coming of Christ, arriving on the clouds, on Twitter or YouTube.

Evangelist Franklin Graham tells ABC’s This Week host Christiane Amanpour:

The Bible says that every eye is going to see (the second coming). How is the whole world going to see (Jesus Christ) all at one time? I don’t know, unless all of a sudden everybody’s taking pictures and it’s on the media worldwide. I don’t know. Social media could have a big part in that…

Everybody’s got their phone up and everybody’s taking recordings and posting it on YouTube and whatever and sending it to you, and it gets shown around the world.”

Maybe this is not a surprising conclusion by the son of Billy Graham, the now-retired world-traveling evangelist who made a global mark using every medium available to spread the Good News.

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Talking Jesus Picture

Zack —  April 15, 2011 — 1 Comment

This may be Jesus, but it just give me the creeps….

Fundie Friday – part 28

Zack —  April 8, 2011 — 1 Comment

I’m not going to lie. I was watching this video alone in my office and it actually scared me.

Not the “AHH!!! I’ve been left behind!!” scary, but the “I didn’t see that coming and almost jumped out of my seat” scary.

So, I’m a wimp. Either that or the Holy Spirit is telling me to get my act together so I won’t be left behind.

Since I think the “rapture” is a load of 18th century theological garbage I’ll choose the former.